Men, Porn and Waging War

It's an age-old topic of debate; why do men like pornography so much, and women can take it or leave it? No, I don't doubt for a minute that a few men will read this and shake their heads disapprovingly, reassuring themselves that they don't like pornography at all; no, not a bit! It degrades women and exploits them. There will also be a few women reading this who also shake their heads and disagree, thinking that actually they like nothing better than viewing a bit on flesh-on-flesh action with the associated explosions of bodily fluids.

Okay, I'll accept that a few men don't like porn, and a few women do like porn. Actually, that's wrong. It's not about liking porn; it's about needing it! Let me explain, and this explanation will actually underline how we get slight variances in both men and women. 

The human species has evolved from monkeys. Whilst the monkeys stayed in the trees eating bananas (a positive move given where the Labour retards have taken us), mankind adapted and changed to best suit his or her environment. Men generally grew larger than women, as they were hunter-gatherers. Woman developed in certain ways too, ensuring that they could protect their children and enjoy champagne. The traditional roles were established and we evolved to fit them. Men were programmed by Mother Nature to hunt, carry, fight, control and generally do stuff in sheds. Women evolved into being homekeepers, Mothers and designated drivers. Herein lies the reason for (most) men's need for porn.

Women's brains adapted to keeping the kind of data they required for their daily tasks. They are better than men at remembering faces and names. This is why women can see an actor or actress and tell you all the films or programmes they've seen them in before. They developed this skill so that when a sabre-toothed tiger attacked, they could quickly spot and protect their children, letting those that weren't their offspring get eaten instead.

Men's brains allowed them to develop a differing skill-set. They learned to make weapons, they learned to follow tracks and spot changes in the environment. They learned to examine behavioural patterns. They learned to throw spears, to butcher meat, to carry large dead animals and to use knives with dexterity. This meant they could get tooled up, follow the tiger, calculate when it would be at its most vulnerable, attack and kill it, save the meat for food and use the skin to make the missus a lovely pair of shoes.

You don't need to be Stephen Hawking to work out that means men's brains had ten tasks to the women's one task. Now, let's move into the modern age. Men have to use their mental capacity to build stuff, fix things, fight wars, drive fast and generally run the planet. Women have to remember where the hoover is, and that they like shoes.

Now, before any lady with even a tinge of feminism gets the hump, I am NOT saying that men are cleverer than women. I am saying that men stuff more things into the brains, filling them up. Like a computer, they cram so much stuff in that their memory space becomes limited, slowing down the thought process. That's why we forget so much stuff like anniversaries and picking wives up after Christmas parties. 

Women limit what they stuff into their brains, thus ensuring that their memory is never taxed. A man will forget his wife's birthday, but a wife will never forget every instance that her husband forgot something. That free space is what makes women more efficient.

It also leaves them plenty of space to think about penises. Even if they forget about them, they only need to switch off the hoover and turn on the television, and the harpies on Loose Women will remind them of penises with the incessant cock-related drivel.

Women can go shopping and think of penises at the same time. They can iron clothes and think of penises. Their free mind space can be filled with mental images of penises. Men can't do that. Our brains are filled with important shit like making weapons to kill other men, or the part numbers of every component that makes up a Cortina 1600E engine. We forget about tits and how nice they are, because our brains are too full to retain mental images of breasts. Therefore, we NEED porn, to remind us just how lovely our wives and girlfriends are.

Case closed.