Reggae Reggae Shit

If you've never heard the name Levi Roots, then you're a very lucky person. Levi is a reggae singer, and despite reggae being one of the dullest sounds in town, we won't hold that small fact against him. However, Mister Roots has another string to his bow.

A few years ago he appeared on a television show called Dragon's Den. Now, if you've never heard of it, you very very lucky. In a nutshell, it is a show where five very rich people view presentations by wanna-be entrepreneurs. They then either ridicule the person's idea, ridicule the person, or attempt to buy into the idea by seizing control of the company for a paltry sum.

So, in walks the aforementioned Mister Roots. He sings a song about rubbing sauce on a horse (or something like that), and then announces he makes a food product called Reggae Reggae Sauce. It's a jerk seasoning sauce which he makes and sells at Notting Hill Carnival. He also calmly informs the Dragons that he has an order for 60 billion gallons of the sauce, which he currently makes in his kitchen. That's why he needs the investment.

They check through the order, which he brought with him, and discover he's shit at maths. The order is actually for two jars of the stuff, or some such amount. Obviously, all the Dragons bale, bar one who invests.

Fast forward to today, a few years later. Nearly every supermarket in the UK stocks the aforementioned sauce. White people buy a bottle and immediately talk in a Jim Davidson not funny black voice. Fat men wear fake dreadlocks and burn chicken on BBQs, splash Reggae Reggae Sauce all over it, and then talk about it being "Typically Tropical".

Now, I do like a bit of jerk chicken, and make my own sauce. I was somewhat surprised when Mrs SC returned home with a bottle of Levi Roots' jungle juice, but I gave it a go anyway.

Now, here's some advice for all you white folks with a bottle of Reggae Reggae Sauce at the back of your cupboard that you haven't got around to using yet. Go fetch it now, and chuck the fucker out of the window. It's fucking rank. The only use I found for it was to stop cats shitting in my garden.

I'm a realist; I don't believe this is Mister Roots' own recipe. I think some sauce jockey has 'tweaked' it to make it more appealing to mass market tastes. However, I can't believe he's stood by and let it happen.

Reggae Reggae Sauce? Shove it up your arse!