There's a Padded Cell Free in LA, If Anyone Needs One...

So, Jacko's dead, eh? Heart attack, or was he 'disposed' of by those standing to benefit from his estate? Maybe there were a few more kids lined up, their parents out for revenge on the eve of his comeback tour. Maybe the idea of losing the lot made them slip him the back capsule? Who knows?

Maybe he was spirited away by aliens, a lookalike body left behind to confuse and confound. The doctors, knowing not to bite the hand that feeds, quickly signed off the death. Now Jacko is being held hostage by some three-headed green being from the planet Pissflaps.

Maybe this is the biggest publicity stunt in history. maybe on the third day he'll rise again, like some other showman did a few thousand years ago. Maybe we are standing on the brink of the Church of Jacko, where all the ladies hand over their children to Neverregions 'carers', and no one has a normal nose.

One thing is certain; the conspiracy theorists will already be hard at work, and this fucking charade will run and run, a bit like when Fatty Elvis shuffled off to the shitter with a burger in his hand. I couldn't even watch Iranian protestors getting beaten by Republican Guard this morning as the BBC dedicated an hour or two to Uri Geller talking about his friendship with Michael Jackson.

Yes indeed, a human has died and it's all very sad. However, while the vultures pick over the bones (aparently Madonna issued a press statement to say she can't stop crying - bet she's got her eye on his children, though), no one has asked the real question; what the fuck happened to that monkey?