Hit Me, Baby, One More Time

There's a television advert here in the UK, which British people will immediately recognise if I say it's the one with the "hit me at 40 miles per hour" girl. For those without access to UK television, or without eyes (presuming that your lack of eyes means you can't watch TV but have a friend intelligent enough to read this to you), let me explain.

The advert starts with the image of a small girl laying at the base of a tree. She's pale, almost white with blue-tinged lips and a smudge of blood on her face. She's unmoving, seemingly dead. No, she's not a Goth, so what gives? Well, a ghostly voice (for fuck's sake, calm down; it's not a ghost, it's a voice-over) whinges "Hit me at 40 miles per hour, and there's an 80 per cent chance I'll die. Hit me at 30 miles per hour, and there's an 80 per cent chance I'll live."

Now, here's the rub! Does this advert target people driving above the speed limit? No! Does this advert target people driving whilst under the influence? No! Does this advert target people driving while masturbating, using the phone or playing pool? No! Does this advert target people driving badly, illegally or like a fucking mentalist? No! It's just there to remind all us law-abiding drivers (who get fucked up the backside with ever increasing taxes that pay for drop-in centres for the lazy and ineffectual rather than fixing the shitty roads) that we might like to take the blame for some seriously rotten parenting.

Here's a clue (I'm talking to the dead-looking girl now); show care when crossing the fucking road, and guess what? That's right, you'll fucking live to tell the tale! Of course, the wannabe Goth isn't to blame, but her fucking parents sure are!

Basically, law-abiding motorists are being guilt-tripped because some parents neither care enough nor are intelligent enough to teach their children to cross the road. They won'twaste their valuable Bingo/gin drinking/dope taking time to introduce and implement the basic discipline that keeps their children alive. When their child gets run down because they've dashed into the road, and these excuses for parents need to accept how they've failed, they simply look for someone else to blame for their shortcomings.

Now, I'm not talking about situations where circumstances conspire to create a dangerous but unavoidable situation, or where the driver is drunk or mad or so stupid as to drive dangerously. This advert targets the everyday driver who is driving normally. Guess what; we're not to blame. It's the parents who need to be educated.

I have friends who teach their children to respect danger. The kids aren't afraid of it. They respect it. They don't seem to get run over. My kids don't get run over. My neighbours' kids don't get run over. That's because they've been taught. It means that the parents couldn't sit in front of the TV all night, or just get fucked off their faces and hope for the best. The parents put in the effort to teach the children.

Here's a fucking thought (I'm talking to the piss-poor parents out there now, the ones who whinge when their kids get run over and the driver isn't to blame), maybe - just maybe - if you got off your arses and taught your children respect, discipline and common sense, then maybe you wouldn't be watching them go into the ground in a box. That's YOUR fault, not the drivers who try and dodge your offspring as they hurtle into the on-coming traffic.

Such parents should suck up their bile and face the facts, but more importantly, the adverts should target parents who send their kids out to play in the streets while they lie on the sofa watching TV and sucking down a few drinks. Guess what people; you failed your kids, and you should be fucking strung up for it.