Vely Tight Pissfraps

Now, we might consider the Chinese to be a short-arsed race of inscrutible bicycle riders with a taste for dog/cat/human babies, but apart from their funny eyes, they're actually a lot like you and me. Indeed, they're a fuck of a lot like you if you happen to be a Chinaman (or a Chinawoman - apparently, I should say that, because women have feeling too)!

There are a million statistics about how many Chinese there are on earth, but I can't be arsed to Goggle it, so if you really want to know, go look it up yourself. However, for my purposes, it is sufficient to say that there are a lot of them; quite a lot of them.

Now, you might wonder why there are so many Chinese, and the answer is that they fuck a lot. That's it, in a nutshell. I suppose when all you have to look forward to between bouts of marching and listening to propaganda is a bowl and rice and bicycle salesmen banging down the door, having a fuck must be ranked as a fairly high pastime. I'm not Chinese, but I can see the attraction in spending every spare hour up to the bristles in one of their lovely female kind.

It is therefore of little surprise that China has built the world's first sex theme park. Now, you might argue that Pussy Angel in Bangkok gives it a good go, and Phnom Penh's Sharkey's Bar comes close, but this is a fully fledged sex theme park with giant snatches you can get inside and big rubber cocks that you can ride around on and the Clitoris Rollercoaster. It also has some naked dancers, a dozen sucking booths and plenty of bearded ladies seeking back-door action. Just for good measure, you can also get advice on family planning and safe sex.

If, like me, this news has you reaching for your passport, calm down for a moment. You can't visit it. Why? Because having built it, the Government has ordered it to be bulldozed. The silly communist cunts say that: 'the owners were interested only in profiting from sensationalism'.

Yeah, and the point is what exactly? Love Land, for that was it's intended name, was actually going to be an educational experience. Instead, the Chinese will continue to multiply, often with their siblings, as they fumble through the sex maze that is teenage angst under the Red Flag.

On a more serious note, I do hope the Chinese authorities think again. There are serious issues in China with teenage pregnancy, STDs and ignorance about sexual matter. Plus, I for one would happily pay the equivalent of 17 pence to see a Chinese lass take on a donkey in a sombrero!