Playmeat Americano (For Sarcastic Bastard)

I recently received the following comment from Sarcastic Bastard, whose blog I read. She made the following comment.

Vincent, I adore you, but sometimes you talk about things way over my dumb American noggin. Perhaps you should implement a fifth-grade level American version of your posts with caption-style notes for the intellectually challenged. I do believe watching too much reality TV has rotted my brains. Also, Americans, like Methodists (SB is both--double handicapped!), have the attention spans of fruit flies. Could you make the entries simpler and a little shorter, too? Many thanks.

Cheerio. Good day. Hip hip. All that. Best regards, SB

It was too nice of a request for me to ignore, so for all the Americans, the Methodists, and especially for the American Methodists, here's Playmeat Americano. The titles link to the full versions, just in case you're German and want to know what time the train is coming. (SB, that's a joke about how the murdering fuckers acted during the War).

Note: SB is getting divorced. If you are an American with a very large penis, can wipe your arse (that's ass to you, but you're wrong, Mr Yankee Doodle) clean enough to not leave skidmarks on her new bed sheets, and have lots of money, please email her for dirty sex. Her email is on her blog. By the way, she's just a touch mental!

A Hero for Our Times

In China, a man hit by the failure of his company decided to kill himself. He climbed up a bridge and threatened to jump. This caused a big traffic jam. A passing retired Army man offered to try and talk him down, but the police said he couldn't. The retired man then sneaked past the police and pretended to befriend the man who was threatening to jump. He made the man shake his hand, and then pushed him off the bridge. It turned out that the old man was angry at the traffic jam.

A 'bedwetter' is someone who cries because they're broke.

China is a place where everyone has a bicycle, and funny eyes (unless you are Chinese, in which case the eyes are just right).

Vincent likes the old man.

Beattie Got It Wrong

Alec Beatiie of Devolving stated in his blog that Nick Griffin was an evil man. I pointed out that at the end of the BNP election broadcast on television (a big box that holds another version of the world), there was a more evil man than Griffin.

There is a voiceover part at the end of the broadcast, and you can hear the speaker pause and slurp spittle. I pretended that it was facist cunt Griffin's semen.

Vincent doesn't like semen in the mouth.

An Open Letter to Willie Walsh

British Airways are a bunch of cunts.

Vincent doesn't like British Airways.

Put The Cat Food Back, You Bitch

Old people get arrested for shoplifting, even if they 'forget' to pay for something. Supermarkets say it's their policy to always prosecute, even if the elderly person has lost their marbles.

Politican's fiddle their expenses, but don't get arrested. Recently, one stated he 'forgot' he had paid off his mortgage. Another 'forgot' he didn't have a mortgage. If the UK had the same policy as supermarkets, the cheating bastards should be arrested.

Vincent hates supermarkets, but likes the fat girl at Checkout 3 because she does bum stuff for a bottle of cider.

Vely Tight Pissfraps

A sex theme park in China has been closed down.

Vincent is unhappy.