Put the Cat Food Back, You Bitch!

What do we know about the elderly, apart from the fact that they drive very slowly, they faff around when at the front of very long queues, they smell of piss and they're up for a gang bang at the merest sniff of a Werther's Original? Well, we know that they're a bunch of fucking thieves ... or are they? Now, my old Nan is dead and rotten by now, but her idea of a 'buy one, get one free' was to put one bottle of gin in her trolley and another in her coat pocket. She was a thieving bitch, no mistake about that, but all too often the elderly are accused merely because their memory is on the wane.

It's not uncommon for elderly tossers to be arrested for shoplifting because they forget to pay for a tin of cat food or a packet of biscuits. They're old, and they've paid taxes all their lives. Would it hurt to let it go once in a while? Certainly not, say the supermarkets, who have a policy of always prosecuting. The Police agree, as does the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS). Many Magistrates agree too.

As an aside, I was recently charged the incorrect price for an item in Morrisons. When I pointed it out, they wanted me to fill in a form with my details to process my 'refund'. I refused, explaining that it wasn't a refund, but was the return of money illegally taken from me. The spotty till-jockey called the manager. He explained it was a mistake and offered me the money back without giving my details. I asked what would happen if my old Nan had 'mistakenly' taken a tin of cat food without paying? He didn't know she was long dead, so said it was the store's policy to prosecute. I asked what would happen if she offered to give the cat food back? He reiterated that it was store policy to always prosecute. I informed him that was my policy too, and I took out a private prosecution against the supermarket for theft. Mind you, that's another story.

So, what we see here is that the British police and CPS will use taxpayers' money to prosecute little old ladies with bad memories. That, surely, sets a precedent, does it not? Now, let's look at the case of Member of Parliament Elliot Morely, who claimed expenses to cover a mortgage on a second home. He 'forgot' that he had already paid it off. Now, I might be in the minority, but if I'd paid off the biggest debt in my life, I'd fucking know about it. Elliot, aged 56, apparently forgot. Then there's Bill Wiggin, who 'mistakenly' claimed for a mortgage that didn't exist. Bill, aged 42, apparently 'forgot' whether he had a mortgage on his second home.

There are countless other cases currently sloshing around the British Government. They all 'forget'. Many say it was an innocent mistake. Many have offered to pay the money back. Bollocks to them; the UK should always prosecute! It's our fucking policy!

Let's face it; if we can put the elderly through the justice system for forgetting to pay for a tin of cat food, then these parasites need to be prosecuted. After all, a 'mistake' is still a 'mistake', whether it be an OAP or an MP; yes or no?

Let's have an amnesty for theiving scumbag pensioners and nail these politicans' arses to the fucking floor. They claim it's all 'mistakes' and 'forgetfulness'; I think it's all bullshit, and they've been caught drinking from the toilet bowl of disgrace. Let's slam the lids on their very indecent and ugly pumpkin-sized heads!

The circle of life is evident; lock up the poncing MPs and feed them on the cat food that the pensioners' have stolen. Suck it up, you fucking freeloaders.