Oh, You Silly Moo!

Ever seen someone with marginally less intelligence than a carrot? You know the type; furiously pushing a door marked PULL in letters as big as their pumpkin-sized head? Your first instinct is to offer assistance, but as they slip into a deep pool of utter stupidity, you decide to sit back and watch the show. Fuck them, if they spent a second applying some thought to the situation, they'd see the solution for themselves. In the end, you want them to never see the solution; it's a just reward for their fucking stupidity.

So, who am I am talking about today? Aung San Suu Kyi, that's who! Now, I do appreciate that alongside Tibet, Burma has become a must-have cause in the toolbox of the common or garden Pinko activist. I've been there more than a few times, and have long since given up arguing the toss with people who rely solely on one-sided reporting and political rhetoric to understand what is a very complex country.

That said, there is little no doubt that Aung San Suu Kyi is a bit of a dolt. Here's the rub. She was elected as the country's leader, as head of the NLD. The military Government refused to accept the situation, and she was then jailed. Apart from a few spells of freedom, she spent the majority of the years since 1990 either in jail or under house arrest. Okay, it's not good, but back in 1990 Burma was off the map. Today, they realise their future lies in tourism. It does. It's a fantastic country and is exceedingly easy to travel in, legally or illegally (it's your choice).

So, with a Burmese Government wanting to appear slightly more friendly to the West, the next step following the PR travesty that was the monk protests (by the by, the monks are NOT all peaceful and caring people; they have an agenda) was an election. Scheduled for 2010, the powers that be were making plans to involve the international community. It was to be their 'coming out' ball!

You must remember that Burma has an extremely complex history, and each side tells only it's own story. It is also probably more afraid of the outside world than the outside world is afraid of it. Against this backdrop, Aung San Suu Kyi was due to be released on May 27 2009. That was it, job done. She'd be out, the run up to the elections would allow the true face of Burma emerge, and the elections heralded a return to democracy and a run on tourism never before experienced in Asia. It was ideal; the pro-democracy forces got their day, and military got to bow out by allowing the people their say. Faces would be saved, and profit would be the new messiah. What could go wrong?

A fucking stupid American, that's what. John Yettaw decided to pop in to see Aung San Suu Kyi. Now, anyone who understands Burma realises that this is an act more frowned upon than fucking the first-born of a high ranking Government official up the back passage on National TV during the Lottery. Fuck me, she'll be out in a few weeks, have some patience!

John Yettaw gained entry by making home made flippers (why didn't he just buy some; they do have shops in Rangoon) and swimming across a lake to reach her home. Why he performed such a display of twatishness is anyone's guess. Being an American, he probably thought that Burma was a bit like Disneyland, and he'd be rewarded with a cup of green tea and an 'I Beat the Junta' t-shirt. Right now, he's wearing a 'Bum Me Senseless' t-shirt in Insein jail.

Anyhow, John-boy arrives unannounced (allegedly) and Aung San Suu Kyi tells him to fuck off. He stands there in his speedos and home made flippers, and whines: 'I've got cramp, can I stay the night and rest?'

She agrees, and they spend the night together. Did he get some Humpty Dumpty? We don't know. Did he blow his load up her nose. We don't know. Did he finger her snorkel. I've told you twice, and now for the last time, we don't fucking know. Then the sun rises, and idiot John gets caught trying to swim back. For what? It's not like she's a looker or anything.

Now Aung San Suu Kyi is on trial for breaking her house arrest conditions. She's blown it. She'll be jailed for the elections, and all bets are off with regard to the international involvement. Paranoia is running deep in the Burmese Government, and John Yettaw is as thick as a pile of pig shit. That said, Aung San Suu Kyi knew the risk, and blew it all for a moment with a bloke who would rather make his own flippers than buy a pair.

For me, that makes her infinitely dumber.